WayfaringStrangers

Hi. Welcome back to all of us. No real reason for me to appear here today, except that we an one of "those" fun trips to the store and it reminded me of days of yore when I used to write stories about how freaking  difficult it is to take kids places. See original posts here and here. So at this point we have an almost 8 year old, a 6 year old, and a 2.5 year old. Just when things maybe could be getting easier in the parenting department, we choose homeschool this year. And so, I make a choice. Go to the store on a weeknight or weekend kid-free (favorite choice) or take the kids. Now, as a homeschool mom, taking the kids out is normal. It's a lesson in economics, organization, and socialization. ("But waaaiiit, homeschooled kids aren't socialized!" I heard you; be quiet in the back.) It was finally payday, so with no milk or bread in the house, things were dire. Off we skipped to the nearest real town (we live in the cornfields and it is the best). W...

Baby Sweet Samuel is now almost 7 months old. When Graham was our one and only, we documented so much. I made these little monthly updates with his weight and all the things he could do and pictures. Poor Sammy has had little of those, though he does make his way onto Instagram fairly often. Anyway, we've had 3 kids for about 7 months and we are not only surviving, I'd say we are generally thriving (don't remind me that all three were up at 5:30 this morning. Stupid Daylight Savings Time). The summer was hard- all day, every day, three kids on not enough sleep, very little community, and not much to do in our area. But this fall has brought a sweetness and change with the school year and refreshing season. Behn and I love having a baby again. He is growing so fast, sitting now, babbling, and thinking about crawling. The big boys are also maturing and are more independent...sometimes. They can set the table, get themselves dressed, help in small ways. This isn't wi...

These October days are filled with baby smiles. Samuel can sit up now, and his tiny tuft of hair stands on his head and he's so beautiful my heart explodes. God is good. These October days we 4 -Graham, Patrick, Samuel, and I- walk home slowly from the bus stop at the end of the road. Everyone else drives to get their kids, but we walk and breathe in fresh (warm, this week) air. We check on the trees as they change color. Sometimes we detour into the woods. Yes, some days, there is whining, but it is always worth it to walk if you can. God is good. These October days, the house smells like pumpkin spice granola. I'm bagging it up to send to each of the hard-working teachers who have made my boys' transitions to school so seamless. Graham especially is thriving in the structure and all day learning. God is good. These October days I cherish my parents. I love that Dad is here with us this fall, and hearing what God has placed on his heart. I love callin...

Y'all. I'm still here. Synopsis of my typical day (Mon- Thurs): 6:00..?? Patrick up at o'dark o'clock. Why?? Tell him to lay still and cuddle with us as long as possible. 7 a.m.- 8:50: Breakfast, getting everyone dressed, pack 2 lunches, general maintenance of bodies and souls. Looks like a bomb went off by 8:50. 8:50- 9:30: School drop-offs. 9:30: Finally home. House is quiet, except, oh yeah, the baby. But still, mostly quiet and I take a deep breathe. 9:30- 1:40: Everything. Clean up the bomb that went off from 7 a.m.- 8:50: laundry, meal planning, grocery store, meal prep, Bible reading, journal, sweeping, dishes, call actual adult humans for social contact, walk on treadmill, try to do squats/crunches (funny), shower. Oh yeah, and caring for the little human (breastfeeding, diaper changes, holding, playing). I have to pick and choose what to do each day. 1:40- 2:15: pick up Patrick 2:15- 4:00: play with Patrick, care for Samuel, maybe start dinner if I...

It's mid-September and for the first time in days (weeks?) it is cloudy. Cloudy days, cooler air bring out the dreamer in me. I feel restless. One way I outlet that? Writing. I just told Behn that I'm so lucky to have him. He's steady and solid while I'm always dreaming and scheming. The summer felt long and hot and tiring. There were lots of good times and trips and sweetness but the endless idleness and all the needs of young kids left me weary. Now the two big boys are back in school and I have time- not much, but a little- to breathe. I have so much I want to record about the summer...how can I even catch up? I'll probably just do a big photo dump post. I better do it soon, before I forget it all. So easy for tired, busy mamas to forget. I don't want to forget the little things they said, tiny fingers, memories made. I kind of want to forget the long days, the tantrums, the nights we had cereal for dinner again. But it's all life, and it's all gr...

-2011- I slumped down wearily onto the couch in the quiet of the room. My counselor introduced herself and we began our session in prayer. I wasn't even sure why I was there. I was mostly just tired and felt like I needed to talk to someone, but I didn't know about what. After a session or two, she told me something I'd never heard about myself before. "I think you're feeling angry, Megan." Angry? Me? I had a happy childhood. I'd lived peacefully with friends in college and never had a major fight. I waited patiently in lines and in traffic. My husband and I had a solid relationship. And now we had a cute, happy little baby boy. Was I tired? Yes. Frustrated that I had to babysit full time so that we could make rent? Sure.  Anxious? Sometimes. But I didn't really think of myself as angry. Unfortunately, we weren't able to get too deep into it. I went for the 6 sessions that my church paid for, and I was too shy to ask for more money to contin...

Oh, hey there. A whole month gone by, and no writing. I hate that. I love writing; it helps me process things, remember this life, treasure moments. The air is warm and humid, cicadas humming. We've suffered through a long heat wave and the thunderstorms finally rolled in last night. It's the hard, middle part of summer. This summer has been just exhausting- in the good ways and in the hard ways. So much has happened: a whirlwind trip to Delaware for 4th of July, Dad had a heart attack (he's ok), hosting a new friend from Ukraine for a week, a family trip to Williamsburg. I want to write, but then a kid has a hard moment, I need to write a new grocery list, the baby wakes from his nap, I need to catch up on my reading for a book club I'm co-leading...the list goes on. At the end of the day, I am brain dead and can't do much more than binge watch Nashville .  I miss peace. I miss quiet. I miss not being constantly needed, and always touched. This mothe...

There once was a me, who wanted to be a mother, deep down in my soul. So I found me a man and in a few years we planned to begin our parenting role. Three boys in 5 years, full of joy (and some tears) mean my house is never neat. But that doesn't matter, except when there's splatter of pee on the toilet seat. Now let me be clear, I'm happy to cheer about the joy of motherhood. They're gifts from above and there's plenty of love. The days are hard, but I know they're good. Amidst baseballs and sand, with coffee in hand, I navigate through the long day. Many times they go pee and I don't want to see, "Don't make a mess on the seat!" I say. But at the end of the day, when boys have been put away, and I think I won't have to repeat... I usually find-and then lose my mind- that there's pee on the toilet seat.

Since the preschool the boys go to is over for the summer, I decided we needed to keep some structure in our summer days. And so, Trader Preschool was invented.   I did most of the planning while I had help after Sammy was born. Now, before anyone thinks I'm some sort of organized, fun mom, please know that we are doing this: 1. for our sanity 2. as easily as possible. "Preschool" lasts about an hour a day, 4 days a week and it's mostly reading books and playing a few games. I thought up some themes, pinned a few crafts (I hate crafts), and bought a calendar for Circle Time. The official schedule is- 1. Tidy Up 2. Bible Time 3. Circle Time 4. Activity (Usually a game like Red Light, Green Light. Something to get them moving). 5. Workbook time (mostly for G) 6. Snack 7. Craft I'm also planning a lot of outings (all the parks, playdates, beach, strawberry picking, etc) to keep our days full. They are so energetic and need that! I'm also enforci...

It had been a long day. I had worked hard to keep the kids engaged- books, games, a walk, playing outside. I was tired from the heat, interrupted nights of sleep, and just the general maintenance of my home and children. I stood at the kitchen sink cleaning up dinner, a dinner that I'd made from scratch and then eaten in segments, interrupted by everyone's needs and a baby feeding session. "Mom," Graham asked, "will you play ball with me?" "No, my hands are busy. And I'm tired. I'm just about done for the day." I answered, a little bluntly. "Aw, you're boring!" he whined. I couldn't believe it. What in the world?? Didn't he consider all that I'd done, all that I do every day? I was anything but boring. Why was he so ungrateful? I turned to snap at him. And then, the Spirit pricked my heart. How many countless times am I complaining, asking for MORE, and ungrateful to my heavenly Father? Every day. Every m...

Samuel is a little over a month old now. He's growing fast, already up to 9 lbs, 7 oz. The overall adjustment of life is going well. Yesterday was Graham's last day of school and his PreK graduation (that deserves it's own post) so now... I'm home all day with the 3. I didn't get much 'rest' after Sammy was born. How could I? Even with help...there's so much to do, and the boys are so active. And so, I quickly found myself in the normal routine, just now with a baby along. I press forward, coffee in hand. Since school is over, today was the perfect day to hit up the library with all 3. Graham hasn't been in a while because I usually go with Patrick while G is at school. The library went really well! The big boys are mature enough to actually play well and not run off. Baby slept in his carseat the whole time. Afterward, we decided to go for a walk in the trail next to the library. It's paved, and Graham rode his bike and Patrick rode his sc...

"It's all enchanted and wild, just like my heart said it was gonna be..." -Nickel Creek

I posted this picture on facebook the other day: A long-time friend said it looked "just right." As in, me with 3 kids was a good fit. I take that as a huge compliment. And the good news is, I feel the same. As I was walking down the street with the 3 boys a few days ago, I thought, 'This is my gang. It's the perfect little group.' I don't mean that there can't be room for more, but right now, this feels right. I'm relieved to be feeling this way. I don't bond with my kids very well in pregnancy. Sure, I'm excited. I like the kicks (until they hurt). But pregnancy, as beautiful and miraculous as it is, isn't my favorite. I don't talk to my babies in utero, I don't sing or read to them. I don't even really think about what they'll look like. But the minute they're in my arms, I feel all the feelings.  With this baby, I had some nerves. G and P are a ton of work...I was kind of scared how we'd make it work with ...

Samuel is a whooping 11 days old. Which is really young. But I feel like his birth was ages ago...probably because I'm so tired. Actually, he's the e asiest  of the 3. Babies sleep a lot. And so far, he's an easy guy. I think I've heard him cry like twice. And that's saying a lot, because the big boys are ALL over him, smothering him in kisses and touching him and begging to hold him. It's been an adjustment. It's only been 11 days. That's what I keep telling myself. The big boys are struggling. They LOVE the baby, but the emotional adjustment is coming out as some negative behavior. And so, we press on and pray and know it will get better. Everyone's just a little 'off' these days. Having my parents help right after the birth and my in-laws here for a week was great. Seriously, it's so wonderful to have loving family help out. Not everyone has that. We are very grateful. And we've also been gifted so many good meals. I forget h...

The wind bore down harshly Friday night. It was the worst kind of wind, strong and from the North, bringing with it frigid temperatures and a loud howl. Our house is on a hill, our road a bit of a valley; the wind pushes hard against both our bedroom and the boys bedroom windows. I'm always awake at night now. I'm uncomfortable most of the time, and every time I use the bathroom, turn over in bed, or wake up to heartburn, I sigh and look at the clock. This time the wind woke me, though. 3:30 a.m. Two minutes later the boys come in. "The wind is scary. Can we sleep with you?" Behn and I divide and conquer. I go in with Graham and Patrick snuggles with Behn in our room. Graham is tired and tries to fall back asleep. We lay in the dark, listening to the wind pound the house. My stomach growls. After 15 minutes, Graham whispers, "Mom, if a billion is bigger than a million, what is bigger than a billion?" "A trillion," I mutter. I'm always s...

Last fall, new neighbors moved in next door. That house had been empty for a while, and we were grateful to have a nice family moving in. Better yet, they had a child the exact same age as Graham. As new neighbors do, I chatted with the mom and we asked general questions, "How old is your son? Where did you move from? What do you do?" My new friend described her job and her long commute and then asked what I "do." My answer was, of course, "I stay at home with my kids. I tutor special needs kids or teach riding lessons a couple of times a week...but mostly I'm home." "Oh, that must be so nice. I wish I could do that" was her response. Before I go any further, I am not writing this to shame anyone for working outside the home. Lots of people need 2 incomes, and there are also a lot of hard working single moms out there. And trust me, I always keep my eyes open for work, just in case the "right" job would come along (doubt...

About 1/2 way through February, I had the thought, "Hey, this winter has gone by fast!" Then it snowed 4 times (or something like that). Don't get me wrong, I like snow. But not so much in March. We were, however, also distracted by the flurry of activity in preparing for little V- the application, fingerprints, beginning to fund raise, emailing social workers. It helped boost us through that last little bit of the season. Here we are, though. It's sunny and warmish. I'm browsing packs of garden seeds and delighting in the bulbs that I planted last fall popping up. The boys are beside themselves to be outside, making mud soup and running around. The spring peepers are peeping in the creekbed on the other side of the street. I'm planning on riding again this weekend, after months of not being at the barn. The changing of the seasons always makes me nostalgic. The fresh air reminds me of past years when I've breathed in the fresh air. Where I was...

A week or so ago, it was warm enough to take the kids to the park in the late afternoon. For such a beautiful day, it was disheartening that they were the only children there (take your kids outside, America!). But as they were alternately throwing rocks onto the frozen pond and running from an aggressive goose, I realized we've made it into February. And then I gave myself a high-five. Somewhere along the way of adulthood, I went from a glass half full girl to a glass half empty girl. Or at least to an exact halfway filled glass girl. So when November came and another inevitable cold winter was looming, I felt some dread. If you've met my kids, you know why. They are 2 wild boys! No kids like the be inside, but these 2 have a real case of needing to run and jump, throw and build forts. So they do that: inside. I tolerate it. It's just the way it is. But here we are, the winter has flown by! So I high-five myself, and all the other mama's who are stuck insid...