WayfaringStrangers

Whew. End of December. Behn and I were talking on Christmas Day, on our drive home from my parents. "It doesn't feel like Christmas," he said. "It doesn't feel bad; it was a really nice day. But it doesn't feel like Christmas." I had to agree. To tired parents, it doesn't "feel" like Christmas, perhaps. Just like when parents are tired and worn thin, we don't always "feel" like this parenting gig is much fun. Just today, my sisters-in-law and I were talking about expectations. Years ago, I expected   Christmas to mean beautiful devotionals, savoring every Christmas hymn, and worshiping with my whole heart in the Lessons and Carols and Christmas Eve Service. I expected to anticipate glitter and gifts, and maybe a flutter of romance and possibility. I expected  good meals and sleeping in and lounging around with family.  Christmas looks so different now. Not worse, just different. Traditions are wonderful and important,

Last night we turned on some footage of the first hours and weeks of Graham's life. He was tiny. He was adored. We held him in awe. We grinned over every coo. He was, is, precious to us. Behn looked 10 years younger. I truly had a 'glow.' I looked impossibly young, almost like a teenager (I was almost 27). I think we were both just a lot less tired. I can nearly cry thinking of the simplicity of those sweet days, all cozied up in our little home in the most beautiful place in the world. Fast forward 4 years. Graham is so big- tall and healthy and athletic. He's funny and smart. He runs and jumps all day, knows the 7 continents, the planets, can draw shapes and doodles maps, and pretends to throw bombs at pirates. He's still obsessed with balls. He builds marble runs with his engineer's mind. He has a dimple on his right cheek when he grins. But. But these have been the hardest months of my life. People say 2 is bad, 3 is worse. Not to be negative, but 3 w

Last weekend I got the privilege to be one of the first to meet my new niece, Carolina Mae. It was special to sneak away for 2 nights and travel down to see my sister and her family. I had hoped to be there for the birth, but that is complicated with a 5-6 hour drive to the destination. I eagerly waited for updates on early labor, and when it was decided that 'this is it,' I jumped in the car and headed down. I got updates as I drove and when I heard she was 10 cm and ready to push, I was still an hour or so away, now knowing that I would miss her entrance. It didn't matter, though; I was still excited to be there and lay eyes on that fresh baby and my sister. Emily (and Seth!) did great and I am so proud of her. It was so peaceful holding her- a new babe, a fresh start. She was so sweet: a perfect baby doll. I spent the next 48 hours chatting with my parents-in-law, bonding with big sister Rosie, hanging out with Emily, and then driving home. It was so wort

Today everyone woke up happy. The boys have been sleeping well this week (woohoo!) and we all felt rested and pretty un-grumpy. After lounging around for a few hours and toying with the idea of a chick-fil-a/target combo excursion, I decided we just needed to go for it. Do you know how long it takes to get 2 little rambunctious boys dressed, shod, and coated? Too long. It's always, always a butt load of work getting us out of the house. But we made it.  We crammed into the tiny white car (van is having repairs- ugh) and set off. Made it down the driveway and then Graham noticed he'd forgotten his baseball. This time I decided that, no, I wasn't going to go back into the house to look for a baseball whose location was unknown. This denial of said baseball led to unpleasant behavior. Thankfully, said behavior improved and we made our merry way along. Our community is about 25-35 minutes away from 3 separate Targets and Chick-Fil-A's. Most of the time it doesn'

Life has been quiet lately. Not necessarily calm...I over committed my self in some areas lately and have felt overwhelmingly busy (work! lead a devotional night! teach more riding lessons!). By "quiet" I mean that we haven't been traveling and that major life changes are pretty non-existant. But things are settling down. I had my last day with one of my tutoring clients today and can already feel a load lifting. I loved  the kiddo and his family, but it was stressful piling my kids in the car 2x a week, driving an hour to drop them off at the sitter, and then tutor all morning. We always ended up cranky and disorganized by the end of the day. It's the right thing to do to clear my plate and just focus on my boys. Behn's parents visited last week, which was great as always. Extra help and company is always appreciated. My parents got an adorable puppy. We have only played with him twice, but my little guys are loving him. Maybe now that I'm not working so

The other day I was doing what moms around the world do every day. Folding laundry. I looked down and saw these little boy socks and my eyes filled with tears. Graham's socks. He's getting tall and smart and outgrowing shoes and socks. But these socks, they still look so little. Not baby socks, but not big boy socks. I've had him in my arms for almost 4 years, this boy. Lately we've had a lot of ups and downs. 3 has been hard and also good. But he's still a little guy, my boy who made me a mama. I forget how precious that is, amidst the backdrop of tantrums and kids fighting and being tired and trying to get them to eat healthy. I forget that this is a precious journey. I love having little socks to wash and put on little feet, I love seeing little tractors set up side by side because another little boy in my house loves tractors. I am grateful to catch these moments of grace. I wish I would catch them more and see  the good all around me. Mamas get wo

My last post was heavy and honest. BUT there are so many good things going on, too! Let's talk about that for a bit! First of all, it's October. The middle of autumn on the east coast, and it's lovely. The leaves are peaking and the cool air has come and pumpkins abound. Here's something cool that happened: last weekend, my parents kept the kids for 2 days and a night! How great is that? The kids did well (I'm told) and Behn got to go camping with his brother while I got to spend a night with 2 of my best friends. It was SO GOOD to see Kiri again for the first time since she moved abroad. And it was also SO GOOD to see my friend Dee for the first time in a year. I needed to be with my friends. We drank wine and talked about everything. It was pretty amazing. (I want to insert a picture here. Dee and Kiri, you have to tell me if it's ok because the only pic I have is the one I took a minute before I left and we all have bedhead. You still are very pretty, t

Remember earlier in the year when I said having 2 little boys was getting easier? And that having a 3.5 year old was awesomesauce ? I take it back. We are in a hard phase right now. Why? You tell me. I'd really like to know. Whew, it's been so hard lately. It's concerning. Without going into too much detail, just know that I'm exhausted. I feel under attack. I feel alone. I'll read a blog or book that makes me laugh- that finds the humor in this mess of early childhood. It's good. I need that. I laugh. I feel a little less alone. Then I'll read a blog or book that encourages me. Something Biblical, that reminds me this is a spiritual battle, a calling, and that all the hard is worthwhile. I feel inspired and for 5 minutes I try to be like Michelle Duggar, with her gentle voice praising her 'little ones.' And then there's a tantrum and whining and fighting and the house is trashed and I crash. Ugh. I'm just being real here. I do

It's lovely October. It's a Friday night and the house is a mess and I think Behn fell into a deep sleep while he was putting Graham to bed. These are tiring days, with all the work and running around and the endless children's energy. Fall is here, and the days have been perfect: chilly evenings paired with warm afternoons. The first of the leaves are changing and falling and little Graham has been especially excited to collect acorns this year. I didn't write much in September; that wasn't on purpose! My goodness, how full life is with 2 active boys! I can barely sit down to drink a cup of coffee and pray or eat a meal, let alone type out any coherent thoughts. We are always on the move in this house! September was full of the good things. For one, we had a bunch of family visit. 6 out of the 8 siblings in my family were here in town. We met up at the county fair, then the next day had a family lunch and baby shower for my brother and sister-in-law. I wish I

I am in a cranky and ungrateful mood right now. But I looked back at some of my old posts and enjoyed reading about God's faithfulness in Another Appliance Story and The Chest Freezer Story . It reminded me that I haven't relayed how God recently gave us some more undeserved but much-needed gifts. Our dryer broke again. I think we've been through 5 old, stinky dryers over the years we've been married. Sometimes one will last a year or so, then break and if Behn can't fix it then someone will give us or sell us another. Anyway, our dryer broke. And this time we couldn't fix it and so we just started hanging our stuff to dry (which I like to do anyway). I threw it out there on Facebook that we were looking for a used dryer, but after an hour I took the post down because I felt like I was whining or complaining. Just before I took the post down, someone from our church saw it and a few minutes later overheard her co-worker saying "I am moving and need to

It's that beautiful transition right now. The transition from sweet summertime to lovely fall. The trees are still green, but it's turning into a fading green, like a deep sigh. We see the first yellow leaves and some acorns. Graham is really  into collecting acorns and we've spent some time on tree identification through that. I am loving the earlier sunsets, which sounds weird, but it really helps with putting the kids to bed. The world is still fresh and lovely, but we are on the verge of a new season. It's still warm enough for some water play. So, we splash! The purple asters have bloomed. A lot of my perennials flopped, so I am so glad these beauties have done well. We took a walk to pick wildflowers and look at the (disgusting) pond in our neighborhood. These wildflowers are bringing me joy in an anxiety-filled week. This morning's walk took us beside a soy field. Southern Maryland in late summer. "Let me hear in the mor

Patrick's Birth Patrick Turns 1 Another year, and my littlest boy is now 2. It's funny to think  that 2 years ago I was holding a tiny baby in my arms after a crazy birth. It feels like a long time ago. Patrick is an optimistic, amiable person. He's just so easy to love and laugh with. He's a great brother to Graham: they play and wrestle and laugh and fight. They complement one another perfectly, a God-given bond. Patrick is a tractor-truck-bulldozer lover. If it has wheels, he likes it. He also loves sports, especially hockey. We gave him 2 hockey books as his gift and he asked us to read them over and over. Patrick is a good eater, and other than being an early-riser, a good sleeper. He's so active and can talk very well. He pretty much uses some complete (short) sentences and can tell us what he needs and even make jokes. Patrick is fearless and I often find him perched on high furniture. He's also tiny but fast.  And he copies everything  Graham says

Except for the whirring of a fan, I can't hear much right now. For the first time since early morning, the house is quiet. Behn is laying with Graham. He should be asleep soon. I smell like barn and boys and dirty house and sweat. I'm grateful, because really that's all LIFE. But I'm eager for a fresh clean-up. There's steak marinating and broccoli to be cooked. Behn and I are going to try to have a meal where we can hear each other talk, eat with forks, and laugh. It's a date night in, and these two tired parents need it. Behn mentioned how nice it would be to buy some peanut M&M's and see a movie together. We only go to the movies about once a year. Yes, it would be nice. We'll settle for an episode of The Office or, ironically, Parenthood. We're too tired to survive a night at the movies anyway, who are we kidding. The day passed slowly, with me working all morning (barn) and then Behn and I trying, trying to do some little projects. C

Ever since I was about 10, I loved horses and riding. I rode all throughout my childhood and teenager years and quite a bit in college. Then I got married and real life began and we were broke and we moved and had babies. Horses had to go on the back burner. I've missed it ever since, but other than the occasional riding lesson, I just didn't have time or money to ride. It felt like something was missing. Until now. I still don't have money to pay for riding, but I have been able to get my foot in the door at a great barn about 20 minutes away. I started by volunteering with the 4H club, then took a riding lesson one day and then got hired as a riding teacher. It's been so great to get back in the saddle and I have the opportunity to ride some really great horses and ponies. I also have a bunch of new riding students and have loved teaching again. I wish I could be over there more, but 2x a week is all I can do at present. The family who own the barn are really kind

Lately, life has gotten busy. Maybe too busy. Suddenly I'm working (ABA tutoring kids with Autism + new job at a riding barn!) a lot more. I like to stay busy and I like making a teensy bit of money. But life does feel a bit rushed. We will settle into a routine and see how it goes. In all of this rush I keep finding Christians where I didn't expect them. I love it. God just keeps on putting encouraging, loving people of His in my path. I'm finding myself having conversations with new people in my life and we're talking about church and (home)schooling and family. Pretty neat. That's all I have to say, really. Just surprised and thankful.

I still miss Lexington. I try not to write about it too much; I don't want to whine and beat a dead horse. I miss the small town feel and the mountains and my friends and the river. I miss it all. It felt right. I hope someday we move back. But you know what I LOVE about living here? Being near my family. You just can't put a price on that. I have my grandparents, parents, and 2 of my brothers here. We have had the most special summer. I really bonded with my Mom with season. She works in a school and has 2 months off in the summer and she spent so much time with myself and the boys. We worked on house projects, enjoyed meals together, and she helped out a lot with the kids while I worked. Not to mention the awesome girls' trip she took us on! Pretty great lady :) This is me working on one of the projects Mom and I did together. Couldn't have done anything without her! Mom made the kids a pirate ship! I mean, come on- pretty cool, right!? We also