Four

Last night we turned on some footage of the first hours and weeks of Graham's life. He was tiny. He was adored. We held him in awe. We grinned over every coo. He was, is, precious to us. Behn looked 10 years younger. I truly had a 'glow.' I looked impossibly young, almost like a teenager (I was almost 27). I think we were both just a lot less tired. I can nearly cry thinking of the simplicity of those sweet days, all cozied up in our little home in the most beautiful place in the world.

Fast forward 4 years. Graham is so big- tall and healthy and athletic. He's funny and smart. He runs and jumps all day, knows the 7 continents, the planets, can draw shapes and doodles maps, and pretends to throw bombs at pirates. He's still obsessed with balls. He builds marble runs with his engineer's mind. He has a dimple on his right cheek when he grins.

But. But these have been the hardest months of my life. People say 2 is bad, 3 is worse. Not to be negative, but 3 was awful a lot of the time. These past few months have baffled me, stretched me. I've felt confused, hopeless, enlightened, in despair, encouraged, desperate, grateful.  It's been a mix of emotions. Maybe it's my own issues- maybe I'm depressed, struggling to thrive myself. I'm sure my kids feed off of it and I feed off of them and it's a dark cloud sometimes. 

But. But he loves fiercely. "Mama, I want to hug you!" is something I hear so much and I always melt. He wants to be near me, wants me to hold him. In his maturing, he's gotten much better about me having to leave him at times (you know, to run to the store or work or just because FOR THE LOVE I NEED A BREAK). He loves his Daddy, too. And no Graham prayer is complete without "thank You Jesus for my baby brudder." 

The day I found out I was pregnant with Graham, we sang "Praise to the Lord, the Almighty" (Lobe Den Herren) in church. I feel like God appointed this hymn to Graham. Right now verse 3 is my heart:

"Praise to the Lord, who doth prosper thy work and defend thee!
Surely his goodness and mercy here daily attend thee;
Ponder anew what the Almighty will do,
If with his love he befriend thee!"

We are so thankful for Graham and God's hand upon him. Happy 4, big guy!