WayfaringStrangers

Whew. End of December. Behn and I were talking on Christmas Day, on our drive home from my parents. "It doesn't feel like Christmas," he said. "It doesn't feel bad; it was a really nice day. But it doesn't feel like Christmas." I had to agree. To tired parents, it doesn't "feel" like Christmas, perhaps. Just like when parents are tired and worn thin, we don't always "feel" like this parenting gig is much fun. Just today, my sisters-in-law and I were talking about expectations. Years ago, I expected   Christmas to mean beautiful devotionals, savoring every Christmas hymn, and worshiping with my whole heart in the Lessons and Carols and Christmas Eve Service. I expected to anticipate glitter and gifts, and maybe a flutter of romance and possibility. I expected  good meals and sleeping in and lounging around with family.  Christmas looks so different now. Not worse, just different. Traditions are wonderful and important,...

Last night we turned on some footage of the first hours and weeks of Graham's life. He was tiny. He was adored. We held him in awe. We grinned over every coo. He was, is, precious to us. Behn looked 10 years younger. I truly had a 'glow.' I looked impossibly young, almost like a teenager (I was almost 27). I think we were both just a lot less tired. I can nearly cry thinking of the simplicity of those sweet days, all cozied up in our little home in the most beautiful place in the world. Fast forward 4 years. Graham is so big- tall and healthy and athletic. He's funny and smart. He runs and jumps all day, knows the 7 continents, the planets, can draw shapes and doodles maps, and pretends to throw bombs at pirates. He's still obsessed with balls. He builds marble runs with his engineer's mind. He has a dimple on his right cheek when he grins. But. But these have been the hardest months of my life. People say 2 is bad, 3 is worse. Not to be negative, but 3 w...

Last weekend I got the privilege to be one of the first to meet my new niece, Carolina Mae. It was special to sneak away for 2 nights and travel down to see my sister and her family. I had hoped to be there for the birth, but that is complicated with a 5-6 hour drive to the destination. I eagerly waited for updates on early labor, and when it was decided that 'this is it,' I jumped in the car and headed down. I got updates as I drove and when I heard she was 10 cm and ready to push, I was still an hour or so away, now knowing that I would miss her entrance. It didn't matter, though; I was still excited to be there and lay eyes on that fresh baby and my sister. Emily (and Seth!) did great and I am so proud of her. It was so peaceful holding her- a new babe, a fresh start. She was so sweet: a perfect baby doll. I spent the next 48 hours chatting with my parents-in-law, bonding with big sister Rosie, hanging out with Emily, and then driving home. It was so wort...

Today everyone woke up happy. The boys have been sleeping well this week (woohoo!) and we all felt rested and pretty un-grumpy. After lounging around for a few hours and toying with the idea of a chick-fil-a/target combo excursion, I decided we just needed to go for it. Do you know how long it takes to get 2 little rambunctious boys dressed, shod, and coated? Too long. It's always, always a butt load of work getting us out of the house. But we made it.  We crammed into the tiny white car (van is having repairs- ugh) and set off. Made it down the driveway and then Graham noticed he'd forgotten his baseball. This time I decided that, no, I wasn't going to go back into the house to look for a baseball whose location was unknown. This denial of said baseball led to unpleasant behavior. Thankfully, said behavior improved and we made our merry way along. Our community is about 25-35 minutes away from 3 separate Targets and Chick-Fil-A's. Most of the time it doesn'...

Life has been quiet lately. Not necessarily calm...I over committed my self in some areas lately and have felt overwhelmingly busy (work! lead a devotional night! teach more riding lessons!). By "quiet" I mean that we haven't been traveling and that major life changes are pretty non-existant. But things are settling down. I had my last day with one of my tutoring clients today and can already feel a load lifting. I loved  the kiddo and his family, but it was stressful piling my kids in the car 2x a week, driving an hour to drop them off at the sitter, and then tutor all morning. We always ended up cranky and disorganized by the end of the day. It's the right thing to do to clear my plate and just focus on my boys. Behn's parents visited last week, which was great as always. Extra help and company is always appreciated. My parents got an adorable puppy. We have only played with him twice, but my little guys are loving him. Maybe now that I'm not working so ...

The other day I was doing what moms around the world do every day. Folding laundry. I looked down and saw these little boy socks and my eyes filled with tears. Graham's socks. He's getting tall and smart and outgrowing shoes and socks. But these socks, they still look so little. Not baby socks, but not big boy socks. I've had him in my arms for almost 4 years, this boy. Lately we've had a lot of ups and downs. 3 has been hard and also good. But he's still a little guy, my boy who made me a mama. I forget how precious that is, amidst the backdrop of tantrums and kids fighting and being tired and trying to get them to eat healthy. I forget that this is a precious journey. I love having little socks to wash and put on little feet, I love seeing little tractors set up side by side because another little boy in my house loves tractors. I am grateful to catch these moments of grace. I wish I would catch them more and see  the good all around me. Mamas get wo...

My last post was heavy and honest. BUT there are so many good things going on, too! Let's talk about that for a bit! First of all, it's October. The middle of autumn on the east coast, and it's lovely. The leaves are peaking and the cool air has come and pumpkins abound. Here's something cool that happened: last weekend, my parents kept the kids for 2 days and a night! How great is that? The kids did well (I'm told) and Behn got to go camping with his brother while I got to spend a night with 2 of my best friends. It was SO GOOD to see Kiri again for the first time since she moved abroad. And it was also SO GOOD to see my friend Dee for the first time in a year. I needed to be with my friends. We drank wine and talked about everything. It was pretty amazing. (I want to insert a picture here. Dee and Kiri, you have to tell me if it's ok because the only pic I have is the one I took a minute before I left and we all have bedhead. You still are very pretty, t...