Loooong winter days

It's 10:00 a.m. Patrick's already had a morning nap. Graham and I have had breakfast, played with play dough, done puzzles, had a snack, and he's now gathering up all his balls and moving them around the room. I'm tired, because lately I've gotten into a bad cycle with Patrick during the night.  I'm so tired I fall asleep while nursing him, then I wake up an hour later stiff and sore from being in the same non baby-crushing position and I try to put him back in his bed. Then he fusses because, obviously, he'd rather sleep next to mama. I usually get him back to sleep in his bed, but the same thing happens again in a few hours. Must stay  awake to feed him and get him back to sleep in his own bed. I get woken up by one of the kids around 7, stay in bed as long as possible, and then groggily head downstairs to get some caffeine into my system. I consider myself a 'morning person' but this is rough! And there's no slow wake up period...it's like I'm slammed into immediate mother mode as the 2 year old begs for pancakes and jumps into his day full throttle. Behnny's off to work by then, and I don't see him til after 5. This is a long day.

One of my good friends in Lexington, who was also home with a little guy, once said to me, "Don't the hours just creep by???" (Sidenote: I am desperately missing my friends in Lexington.) The days are so long. I bet in a couple short years, the days will fly by and I'll be begging for more time. But here we are now, taking short winter walks to kill 30 minutes and I'm holding my breath for naptime.

I think I'm just bored with the monotony of it all. I need a car and some new friends.

In other news, we're meeting with a mortgage lender tomorrow to see if we prequalify for anything. It would be so great to buy a home and stop the cycle of renting/moving/renting/moving. It's up to God though (well, and the bank). If it's not the right time, we have to trust it's not the right time.

Gosh, where am I going with this post? I guess it's kind of a vent and kind of an update.

In my heart, I wish I were doing more. Sure, I'm doing a lot by keeping 2 kids alive, disciplining a toddler who's needing lots of training right now, reading stories, shaping animals out of play dough, nursing an infant who reallllly likes to be held most of the time, and cooking dinner. But I wish I could do more. The desire is there, but just not the capacity or energy. I wish I worked out everyday. Spent more quality time with my husband. Led a Bible study. Started an orphan care ministry at our church. Baked homemade apple pies. Before I actually had kids, I thought I'd be able to do things like make homemade pies with all my *spare time* as a mother.

I guess I can do a few of those things now if I'm more disciplined, and then the rest will have to come later if God opens those doors. For now, I'm going to really pray for contentment for this season, this bit of walking in a desert.