It's Getting Easier
Yesterday I was feeling nostalgic and pulled out some of my old personal journals from the past few years. I asked Behn to randomly say a date and then I'd look up my entry for that date. It was fun to remember some stories and little things and also to see that God had his hand upon us all those days. But as I read about last summer, I read that I was exhausted. I had an often tantruming 2 year old and not-sleeping-through-the-night infant. We had a new house and a crazy tight budget. I was tired, stressed, and overwhelmed. Of course there were some sweet things I wrote about as well, but the overall feeling in my writing was that I was a mess.
All this to say: it's getting easier. This summer I have a 3.5 year old and an almost 2-year old. They are busy and they are loud and they are messy, but this is easier. They sleep pretty well now (of course, the past 2 nights Graham has woken up asking for water, but in general they sleep all night). I can generally trust Graham to stay in the yard. I'm not breastfeeding, and they can both navigate a plate of food pretty well. They play together. They laugh together. Patrick can basically talk.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still burned out. They need a ton of supervision and care. But when I think about where we were a year ago and where we are now, I feel hopeful. I want to enjoy motherhood and it's so hard for me to enjoy it when I'm stretched so thin. I'm really liking the phase we are in and I think that it will only get better. I know I'll miss the baby days- I already do! But here we are and I'm grateful.
I don't expect life to be a cake-walk; I don't want it to be a cake-walk. I know there are hard days behind and ahead. I'm not always hoping for "easier" because that's not what Christ said the Christian walk would be like. Doing worthy things- raising kids, serving, doing well with our gifts- it should be hard. It's worth it to be hard, and I believe that God in His grace makes hard work flourish and bear fruit. For me, it's difficult to think about taking on anything else when I'm in the fog of raising tiny boys. But I know I do want to take on more, I feel called to. I want to have more kids, hopefully foster and/or adopt, open our home to others.
So I'm glad it feels a little easier right now- maybe He is preparing us for what He has next!
These boys:
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All this to say: it's getting easier. This summer I have a 3.5 year old and an almost 2-year old. They are busy and they are loud and they are messy, but this is easier. They sleep pretty well now (of course, the past 2 nights Graham has woken up asking for water, but in general they sleep all night). I can generally trust Graham to stay in the yard. I'm not breastfeeding, and they can both navigate a plate of food pretty well. They play together. They laugh together. Patrick can basically talk.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still burned out. They need a ton of supervision and care. But when I think about where we were a year ago and where we are now, I feel hopeful. I want to enjoy motherhood and it's so hard for me to enjoy it when I'm stretched so thin. I'm really liking the phase we are in and I think that it will only get better. I know I'll miss the baby days- I already do! But here we are and I'm grateful.
I don't expect life to be a cake-walk; I don't want it to be a cake-walk. I know there are hard days behind and ahead. I'm not always hoping for "easier" because that's not what Christ said the Christian walk would be like. Doing worthy things- raising kids, serving, doing well with our gifts- it should be hard. It's worth it to be hard, and I believe that God in His grace makes hard work flourish and bear fruit. For me, it's difficult to think about taking on anything else when I'm in the fog of raising tiny boys. But I know I do want to take on more, I feel called to. I want to have more kids, hopefully foster and/or adopt, open our home to others.
So I'm glad it feels a little easier right now- maybe He is preparing us for what He has next!
These boys:
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