Turning It Over To Him

These past few months have been full of extreme sanctification for me. Lots of battles going on in my heart.

I think I just reached the peak. I just turned down an amazing job offer. It was in foster care. I would have been able to 'use' my college degree (the one I'm still paying for every month). It was my ideal 'dream job,' the one I told people I wanted when I was studying social work. It paid more than Behn and I have ever made. And they picked me. They wanted me to work for them, to help kids in foster care. It hurts so much to say no to this. I even cried.

But it was the right decision. I didn't feel 100% at peace with it. It was a long commute, and having to put my boy in daycare would be hard. I know moms work careers all the time, and maybe I will too someday. I even hope so. But not now. I can't put Graham in a daycare of someone I don't even know. And drive 2 hours in the car everyday.

Things are so tight financially and we are frustrated and impatient for change. God knows this. He even planned it. But my (our) response can't be of frustration and impatience, but of thanksgiving and trust. That is not how my heart goes naturally, but maybe through the work of the Holy Spirit, my heart is turning toward holiness. Hard lessons. It hurts to have my twisted heart unwound and straightened out. But even by turning down this offer of 'financial security' today, I gave Him a little more of my heart. The grasp on my life became a little looser. I am going to wait for Him to open the door here.

I can't tell you how many, many wonderful verses and devotionals I've read lately about waiting, trusting, hoping. Tis the season! Here's one from It's Almost Naptime. It is so encouraging...I need to keep focused on Him and truly, really believe in His plan, even when I wonder why in the world it feels like we are in a stable.

As Seth likes to write at the bottom of wedding slideshows...

To God Be The Glory!

Comments

  1. Sincerely, SaraDecember 14, 2011 at 2:31 PM

    Oh Meghan. We sound like we are in such similar situations right now. I know the frustration and sometimes fear that goes along with not having the financial resources that seem necessary. I know the having to put your trust in God to carry you through and to even give you a happy heart as you walk the road laid out for you. I know I'm battling similar things, not job-wise, but financially, child-wise, and the waiting. I know God has plans for me and my family in this, through this, beyond this. I know I need patience and to use this time to honor God. It's hard to do. But needs done. If I don't keep focused on him, I just fall into depression. Saying a prayer for you and just letting you know that someone knows almost exactly what you are feeling!
    Sara

    ReplyDelete
  2. Amanda MacBDecember 14, 2011 at 3:02 PM

    I've been there - turning down a job b/c God wanted me to sat no, not right now. It is hard, even when He gives you peace. Praying for you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. JessDecember 15, 2011 at 1:52 AM

    Proud of you for following His plan and not your own. We'll be praying for you guys - you're a great Mom!

    ReplyDelete

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