WayfaringStrangers

 The summer stretches on, and here we are with a new school year approaching. This year is going to look quite different for us. After 4 years of homeschooling through Classical Conversations, we have at least 1 kid (probably 2) going to brick and mortar school in the fall. I'll write about that in a separate post. But even as we choose to continue homeschooling one of our kids, we'll be taking a break from CC. I love CC. I come from a classical education background, so I jumped in happily 4 years ago with only one cute 5 year old (his older brother was in 1st grade at public school). I liked the memory songs, the emphasis on geography, the hands on science and lovely art projects. Then we moved and found a new but very small CC community. These friends became very dear to us. I tutored (The CC term for taught) the 6 kids in our one class. The next two years the community only grew slightly (more dear friends), even during the madness of covid when many were turning to homescho...

It is July and hot and the cicadas are singing their shrill tune. When I walk outside in the mornings to tend to the animals, the air feels like a warm bath. Any breeze is welcome. I pick an armful of black-eyed susans and hundreds of wild blackberries, and find bit of time in the day to make jam or freeze the bounty. We have been in a very difficult season in our home this year. 'Hardest we can think of,' we say. Looking back, there have been other trials, yes. Moves, exhaustion during new babies and toddler years, aching loneliness, extremely tight budgets. I always thought purchasing a home and moving while 9 months pregnant would take the cake. But this, this uncertainty, gnaws at us. Job loss has the underlying anxiety that makes us emotionally and physically exhausted. We know, we know , God loves us and is in control. And so what will be will be best, right? Even if... we have to move. Or sell the house. Or work 4 part-time crappy jobs to keep the house. What is He doing...

 I'm in the shower, a hundred lists in my head, and you turn on Coldplay's Viva La Vida in the kitchen (only steps away in our small cottage). And I remember it was fall and we drove to Gettysburg and played that album over and over that day. The air was crisp and we were free. It was not perfect- we had no money and jobs we didn't like- and was that the time your car broke down? But we could drive and see and listen and then go home and sleep. Now we talk about how many eggs the hens laid and when we can sit down and apply for financial aid. And life weighs heavier and more real with our 4 boys. But maybe we can drive to Gettysburg soon. 

"Well, he officially got the diagnosis," I tell family and close friends in the days after we receive the very long report.  They all reply, with empathy, with the same question, "How are you feeling about it?" In the first days, I felt relief. Finally an answer to some of the difficulties. We peel back the layers of the ADHD symptoms and say, 'yes, that's him; it makes so much sense now.' I begin to think of the behaviors and difficulties in a softer light.  "We can finally get him some help!" is the general feeling. But weeks pass by, and it becomes so much more complicated. Now we have to make decisions. We are in a lapse of insurance as our family navigates an underemployment situation. We want to continue with counseling. Appointments are made, or need to be made, to see nurses and specialists. The real question is, where do we go from here? Any parent who has had to make big medical decisions knows the pull and stress of ALL THE INFORMATI...

 Maybe if you would... Spank more. Spank less. Take out red food dye. Have you tried gluten free? Go organic. Read this book. Buy a weighted blanket. Apply these oils. Set a routine. Make a sticker chart. Never negotiate. Pick your battles. ( I am desperate for a break).  He's fine. He's normal. He'll grow out of it. He's so lovely. He's just a boy. He needs to apologize. Make him say sorry. He did this. He did that. (Please, two days of rest would restore me for a bit).  He'll be calm if you stay calm. Put him in school. Take him out of school. He needs more structure. He needs more playtime. He'll be fine! ( I can't get anything done. The others aren't like this. I cringe when he's in a mood. Every day is a roller coaster. I'm alone in this.)  It's neurodevelopmental. His brain is different. He was born like this. It's not your fault. We can help. Meds may help. We can be a team. It's not your fault. He can succeed. He processes...

Today I'm wearing my grandma's socks. My aunt Jeanne thoughtfully offered them to me after Grandma unexpectedly left us for heaven in February. I also inherited several chicken-themed items: chicken candlesticks and a rooster that sits on a shelf. These funny little items bring her to mind frequently. This year I'm thankful for my memories with both my grandmothers. We lost them both this year (neither from Covid). I'm thankful for the time I had with them, and I think of all my grandparents more often than one would realize. I'm thankful I drove to Ohio to hand make my wedding invitations with Grandma B. I'm thankful that Mom and my sisters went back to Ohio a couple summers ago to visit her one more time. I'm thankful for little funny stories that I can tell my kids, like how when we took Grandma B out of her assisted living home for a Walmart run. She zoomed around that store in one of those scooters like a boss, unashamedly choosing Twinkies and Swiss Ro...

Several years ago, I was driving home from my part time tutoring job and listening to NPR. I always seemed to catch the Marketplace segment and began to really enjoy it. I've never been a numbers person, but I am interested in economy and society. They had a segment inviting young adults (millennials) to share their stories of how difficult it can be to get by in middle class America. The economy was slowly recovering from the Recession, and I had the perfect anecdote. I went home and typed up my story in the comments section of the Marketplace page. How my husband and I had graduated college with student loan debt...how expensive health insurance plans were....how every paycheck was spent with bills as soon as we had it...how getting married during a recession was basically no fun...how we had to sell our vehicle and buy a crappier one that we could afford. We did not take fancy vacations or eat out much. I stayed home with our kids but had to tutor in the evenings for extra cas...

Ah, it's been a while since I've had a birth story to write about.  So, here's another episode of "Megan's Precipitous Labors." My pregnancy with baby N was overall very good, but also hard. Maybe because I'm getting older and my body has done this a few times. I was more sick in my 1st trimester than before (but nothing severe, thankfully). Later, I had awful restless leg at night, sharp rib pain, and was generally exhausted. Add that to already having 3 crazy boys and homeschooling - oh, and purchasing a house and moving- and I was kind of a mess. Still, I had no complications. My 1 ultrasound showed a healthy baby, and we had decided not to find out the gender. Working with Karen and Jen- my homebirth midwives- was great. My prenatal appointments were all an unrushed hour in her cozy home office. They asked how I was doing. They offered advice for my struggles and genuinely cared for me. There was nothing invasive or uncomfortable about seeing them....

We finally settled on our new home! After 10.5 years away, we are back in Delaware. Our early married life took us from Delaware (where we both grew up), to beautiful Virginia (still my favorite), to Southern MD, to northern MD, and now back to Delaware. We are actually only moving 20 minutes away this time, from our MD rental over into DE. It's not the area of DE where we were raised, but it's perfect for us. We needed s p a c e, and you just cannot get that in northern New Castle county. Plus, we are plugged into our church and homeschool community and didn't want to make more changes. This is home, probably for a long time. The house is move-in ready, but we have big dreams for the house and property. On over 3 acres, we have wishes for gardens and animals. The house itself is a bit small (well, compared to many American standards... But not compared to world standards). We have lots of improvements and renovations we hope to make over time... Although we also want t...

Today is the first day of Advent for this season. Usually, this time of year overwhelms me because of all the expectations and extra "stuff" going on. This year, I am overwhelmed for many different reasons, and I long for the simplicity and beauty of Advent and Christmas. As we enter December, we are anticipating: - A move to a new home -A 5 week winter break from our co-op -Our oldest son's birthday -Christmas and holidays -The birth of our 4th child The move in itself is a lot. We are moving locally- buying a house on 3 acres only 20 minutes away. Still, we've been (sort of) packing for weeks and nothing is in order anymore. This house feels messy and chaotic, and I long to be in our new home with a Christmas tree lighting up the living room. Once we get there, we will anticipate settling in, eventually making changes and improvements, and making this a very long-term home. We anticipate the birth of our baby. I'm 34+ weeks now. I'm close enoug...

We've been living in our (rental) home on the Upper Eastern Shore in Maryland for one year now, so I thought it would be a good time for an update. When we moved here a year ago, we were generally unfamiliar with the area. While Behn and I both grew up in Delaware- which technically is only a few miles away- we did not grow up this far south in the state. So the towns, shopping, roads, and other attractions were generally new to us. Since then, we've really established our stomping grounds. We live in a tiny  one stop-light town in a neighborhood stuffed with great kids and neighbors. Let's start there. Our rental is a roomy Cape Cod on a quiet street. We have firefighters/EMS on one side of our house and a state Trooper on the other side. While we haven't met everyone, most of the neighbors are so super friendly and the kids have a huge group of kiddos to run around with. I've made one especially close friend, which has been a blessing. The kids run around the ac...

Hi there, how are you? How is that thing going, how is she doing, how was your trip? I can listen right now. That must be hard, that sounds wonderful, I understand, I don't know how that must feel. Me too. I can listen some more. We are all Eleanor Rigby sometimes. I'm ok (you didn't ask, but if you did, thank you). This thing is going well or not. I know we are all busy. Can we get together with the kids? Oh, they have camp/VBS/school/an appointment/visitors/you're on a trip? We have stuff going on, too. Another time then, when things calm down (they won't). You didn't see my text, my message, my SOS? Oh yeah, life has been crazy, I get it. (Does it always have to be crazy though? Can we turn down some noise?) I don't want to read that article you shared. You don't want to listen to the podcast I shared, either. I get it. There's a lot of noise. Too much noise. Maybe we can be quiet and talk in the fresh air. Do you want to come for lunch some...

Only if you peer into the creek, still and quiet, might eye and brain in a flash discover a small turtle in your palm. You both blink, surprised. Only if a toddler's chubby hand bumbles persistently for the black ant in the grass, dropping it over and over, finding it again, does the ant finally realize its mortality the moment the toddler discovers its mighty bite. Only if I scan the sky, against cirrus and azure, can I begin to distinguish wingspan of eagle, buzzard, hawk, heron. There's a world up there. Only if one sits on a tree stump, alone, no earbuds, that in five minutes time one may hear the unmistakable slither at one's feet. One was not alone. Only if he must conquer creek will he find a stick to measure depth. Cautiously first, then charging on. Creek is known, joy found. He's a Navy Seal now. Only if we step to edge of pond, clear on top, muddy bottom, there's nothing here- then we toss the pebble and a thousand fat...

Blogging has taken a backseat to real life. In the past 3 weekends, we have celebrated Easter with my family, then I went on a Girls' trip with my mom and sisters, and then Behn and I ran the 10-mile Broadstreet Run in Philadelphia with some family. The weeks fly by, with homeschooling, work, commuting, and making big life decisions (house-related...more on that another time). Besides lots of running to train for the race, I've also been taking some riding lessons again. Samuel is still in preschool for another month, and the other two have schoolwork and tumbling class. Whew! Thankfully our calendar is clear for the foreseeable future. We need a break. I did want to pop in on here to share a few thoughts about homeschooling and something Graham said yesterday. He and Patrick caught TEN toads in the yard and put them all into a giant plastic bin, full of dirt, rocks, weeds, etc, creating the best habitat that they could. In the middle of it all, Graham exclaimed, 'This is...

It is spring. Perfect, lovely, green spring. Today is especially glorious- rain followed by sun and everything is alive. Last night we celebrated the end of our Classical Conversations year. My boys still have a couple months of regular schoolwork to do, but it felt like an accomplishment wrapping up CC. Those 24 weeks were rich in fellowship and learning, and I'm already looking forward to next year. We made it through the winter- long, cold days where school felt like a drag and we were all trapped inside together. It was hard. I started researching local schools because...gosh, homeschooling is hard work! I've been worn thin. But we made it through the tunnel and slowly it seems like we know what this looks like for us now. The boys know what we need to do each day (not that they don't still complain sometimes) and in the past few weeks they've gone off to play together and I'm hearing much more, "let's pretend..." than I have before. They have ...

Behn and I started watching Dave Ramsey YouTube clips and listening to his daily radio show in January 2017.  Dave lays out the 7 steps to Financial Peace and they made a lot of sense to us. We listed our debts from smallest to largest and discovered how much we truly owed- a little over $55,000. Most of these were educational loans. Behn and my undergrad, as well as Behn's Master's Degree. Years of paying minimum payments meant we had paid a ton in interest and the principle balances were stubbornly high. This is not hard to understand, but for years we'd only been able to pay the minimums. Now we were looking these financial statements in the eye. We were "sick and tired of being sick and tired," as Dave Ramsey likes to say. It was time to run from debt. We went ahead and bought Dave's Financial Peace University and committed to watching the DVD's and doing the workbooks together every Tuesday night. At some point we planned on going to a community cla...

Part 1 here After we moved to Southern Maryland, my parents generously offered for us to live with them until we could get on our feet. Those first 6 months were hard with a newborn, a toddler, and new town. During that time, we began to realize that the salary at Behn's new job, though much better than his old job, wasn't as amazing as it seemed. Taxes and health insurance came out, of course; and now we were in a very high cost of living area. I was staying home with now 2 boys. The rent in Southern Maryland is crazy- technically it is a D.C. suburb and there's also a Navy base there adding to the high cost of living. Rent was incredibly higher than it had been in Lexington. The natural choice was to buy. Interest rates were low and there were lots of short sales and foreclosures. It seemed like a dream come true- we were buying a house. Meanwhile, Behn needed a commuter car and knowing that we truly couldn't handle a second car payment, we scraped up the cash for a...

Flashback to 6.5 years ago: ***I stood in the Kroger grocery store line, glancing around nervously, hoping no one I knew would see my WIC food vouchers. I watched the cashier ringing up the food and held my breath- hoping, praying- the number would not more than we had in our account. "That will be $200, ma'am," the cashier says. "But, but, I don't have that much money...can I put some things back?" The line is long behind me and I'm sweating nervously.  I hate this.*** And then I wake up. It's just a dream- actually my recurring nightmare about not having enough money in our account for groceries. Except it's not all a dream, really. We did use WIC checks (government assistance for food) when I was pregnant with Patrick. I really did sweat and hold my breath in the grocery line, praying the number would be low. Much of our furniture and clothing and other goods have come from second hand shops. But for the first time in our 10 1/2 yea...

Of the many decisions we have to make as parents, I think education is absolutely one of the hardest. Once Graham was approaching Kindergarten age, I felt the anxiety creeping up. He had gone to a little church preschool for 2 years. I was overwhelmed, lonely, and probably somewhat depressed and this son and I tend to need some space from one another. So, we made the best decision at the time and Graham spent 2 years at our wonderful, little, local public school. His first grade teacher was especially amazing and G thrived on the structure in a classroom, learning and playing well. But high quality education is very important to Behn and I. We were both extremely blessed by Christian and private education in our childhoods. Public school can, of course, be high quality in many ways. They have resources and teachers with gifts that I do not have- true blessings and wonderful teachers! But let me provide what I mean by 'high quality.' Everyone has different priorities, but fo...

Hi. Welcome back to all of us. No real reason for me to appear here today, except that we an one of "those" fun trips to the store and it reminded me of days of yore when I used to write stories about how freaking  difficult it is to take kids places. See original posts here and here. So at this point we have an almost 8 year old, a 6 year old, and a 2.5 year old. Just when things maybe could be getting easier in the parenting department, we choose homeschool this year. And so, I make a choice. Go to the store on a weeknight or weekend kid-free (favorite choice) or take the kids. Now, as a homeschool mom, taking the kids out is normal. It's a lesson in economics, organization, and socialization. ("But waaaiiit, homeschooled kids aren't socialized!" I heard you; be quiet in the back.) It was finally payday, so with no milk or bread in the house, things were dire. Off we skipped to the nearest real town (we live in the cornfields and it is the best). W...