WayfaringStrangers

-2011- I slumped down wearily onto the couch in the quiet of the room. My counselor introduced herself and we began our session in prayer. I wasn't even sure why I was there. I was mostly just tired and felt like I needed to talk to someone, but I didn't know about what. After a session or two, she told me something I'd never heard about myself before. "I think you're feeling angry, Megan." Angry? Me? I had a happy childhood. I'd lived peacefully with friends in college and never had a major fight. I waited patiently in lines and in traffic. My husband and I had a solid relationship. And now we had a cute, happy little baby boy. Was I tired? Yes. Frustrated that I had to babysit full time so that we could make rent? Sure.  Anxious? Sometimes. But I didn't really think of myself as angry. Unfortunately, we weren't able to get too deep into it. I went for the 6 sessions that my church paid for, and I was too shy to ask for more money to contin...

It had been a long day. I had worked hard to keep the kids engaged- books, games, a walk, playing outside. I was tired from the heat, interrupted nights of sleep, and just the general maintenance of my home and children. I stood at the kitchen sink cleaning up dinner, a dinner that I'd made from scratch and then eaten in segments, interrupted by everyone's needs and a baby feeding session. "Mom," Graham asked, "will you play ball with me?" "No, my hands are busy. And I'm tired. I'm just about done for the day." I answered, a little bluntly. "Aw, you're boring!" he whined. I couldn't believe it. What in the world?? Didn't he consider all that I'd done, all that I do every day? I was anything but boring. Why was he so ungrateful? I turned to snap at him. And then, the Spirit pricked my heart. How many countless times am I complaining, asking for MORE, and ungrateful to my heavenly Father? Every day. Every m...

I posted this picture on facebook the other day: A long-time friend said it looked "just right." As in, me with 3 kids was a good fit. I take that as a huge compliment. And the good news is, I feel the same. As I was walking down the street with the 3 boys a few days ago, I thought, 'This is my gang. It's the perfect little group.' I don't mean that there can't be room for more, but right now, this feels right. I'm relieved to be feeling this way. I don't bond with my kids very well in pregnancy. Sure, I'm excited. I like the kicks (until they hurt). But pregnancy, as beautiful and miraculous as it is, isn't my favorite. I don't talk to my babies in utero, I don't sing or read to them. I don't even really think about what they'll look like. But the minute they're in my arms, I feel all the feelings.  With this baby, I had some nerves. G and P are a ton of work...I was kind of scared how we'd make it work with ...

To distract myself from obsessively checking my email for an update from the agency with information about when Victoria may arrive this week, I figured I would take a minute to share pictures of her room. I had such a fun time getting the room ready! I've never been one to do much in the kid's rooms, but this time I felt the strong urge to make it special. I had a lot of help- Dad T painted the room. Friends from church gave us a mattress. My sister-in-law Rachael shared the curtains, a friend gave us a canopy that matches the curtains, another friend gave us a brand new pretty suitcase, my Mom got the bedding. Many different friends and family donated new or used clothes, shoes, toys, as well as bath products, nail polish, and hairbows. Another SIL, Lydia, just sent a new carseat for her! I am overwhelmed by how many people have cared for this little girl. (Also, if you donated something and I forgot to list it, excuse my featherbrain- we appreciate every gift!). Without ...

I've never really paid much attention to Lent before, a pity for a girl who grew up in the church. But this year, with the brutal and very real persecution of "the people of the Cross (my brothers and sisters)," I am fasting from Facebook. It seems trite. But in the tiring, lonely moments of the day, I go to social media for community. And then not only do I waste time, I feel racked in anxiety as I read about the darkness in the world, the vaccine debates, the articles posted about what poisons are in our food/water/air, terrible diagnoses and accidents. I need a break, maybe permanently. " Since, then, you have been raised with Christ,   set your hearts on things above , where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.     Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.     For you died,  and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.     When Christ, who is your life,  appears,  then you also will appear with him in gl...

It's been quiet on the blog because this month has been: rotten. I'm not kidding. Nothing really bad or tragic has happened, and for that I am grateful. It's the little things that have been adding up to wear me out, almost to a breaking point. I sometimes shudder to think what I would be like if something *really* bad (i.e. an illness, accident, great financial loss) happened since I get so shook up by the daily grind of life. Thank God for His strength and for family helping to get us through the rest of this winter. Today is Valentine's Day. Not much happens here, especially when I'm in survival mode. I can barely keep up with laundry, meals, and dishes. Forget about heart-shaped pancakes- and actual Valentine's cards? Very funny. Last thing on my long list. Here is the Valentines wreath I started 2 weeks ago. Impressed? This morning I sat down with Graham for Bible Time. We read from the Jesus Storybook Bible, and today we were at the crucifixion. As ...

*Warning- wordy post with lots of spiritual talk* I have a new goal this month- to work out every day. It's a short month anyway, and I'm going to give myself 4 free passes to skip if I really can't get that workout in. I haven't worked out consistently since November, so the treadmill's a bit dusty! Saturday was the 1st day of the month and I honestly don't know if I really 'worked out.' The morning started with a lot of whining from the kids. By the time I got myself together, I had to go to work. Then we ran errands as a family. The day was pretty, so later we went on a family hike, which is basically the 4 of us trudging through the mud in the woods, but we did run around some and Behn and I took turns carrying Patrick. By the time we got home and dinner on the table, I was too exhausted to get on the treadmill. I guess that the hike counts? At least we were all active! Spending time with my husband and kids walking in the woods is more valuable ...

Ok, so I thought a lot about my last post. And I decided I needed to write more. I had been interrupted in my writing anyway, because Mr. Patrick had woken from his nap. I want to express just how much I love being a mama. And being Graham's mama. He is a treasure. So is Patrick. Lord willing, I'll be a mama to more kids. I'm so grateful for these little guys, for the opportunity to be a mother. It's taken me a long time to let go of high expectations I had about motherhood...and life in general. On the hard days, those expectations come back strong. I have seen myself be grown through this, and much more growing is yet to come. I am seeing the gospel in a whole new, wonderful way. I am seeing my weakness, my need for Jesus, in a whole new way. And I am so glad for it! These years are definitely years of sanctification. I suppose all our lives are, but these trying, tiring years are especially. I need Grace in a whole new, wonderful way. Graham and I are going o...

This photo caught my eye today. Source It is a photo from World Magazine, of Iraqi police officers grieving the loss of one of their company. Al-Qaeda forces have surged in that country, bringing evil and hate and violence. So raw. I think this photo shows God. These men are not sad because a blob of chemicals in the form of a living human died and turned into a blob of different chemicals. They are stricken with grief because they lost a friend and someone who was made in the image of GOD died (whether they believe it or not, their grief speaks for itself). We mourn the loss of human life because we know that we are more than mere animals. They are mourning evil and injustice in the world. There are a million photos and moments like it. A spouse passes away unexpectedly. Dreams are dashed as a tiny baby goes from life to death inside of his mother. A family buries a daughter shot at school. A family says a long goodbye at the deathbed as cancer wins again. Thous...

Merry Christmas! Funny to think that God came as a little boy child.... But we are glad and thankful that He did! That He came...to us...to rescue humanity from the 'crushing load.' A load He took upon Himself not many years after His birth. We are glad to know the good news- great joy! Emmanuel- God With Us

Graham: "I want to hit bad guys, mama." Me: "What's a bad guy?" Graham: "They're bad." Me: "What does the Bible say about being mean or bad? Should we try to be mean or nice?" Graham: "Nice." Me: "That's right. But sometimes Mama can be mean, and sometimes Graham can be mean. Does that mean we are bad?" Graham: takes a bite of his toast Me: "Being mean is part of us because we are sinners. Jesus loves sinners and forgives us. Jesus can love and forgive even the meanest bad guy. What do you think?" Graham: "I want to hit bad guys, mama." Well, hopefully it'll all sink in one day :)

Several mornings a week (I wish I could say it happens every day, but it doesn't), I have Bible time with Graham. I put Patrick down for his morning nap and get Graham a snack and we sit on the couch and read a Bible story, a short devotional, go over his memory verses and cathechism, and say a little prayer. Honestly, it's a devotional time for me, too. It's so precious that we have this alone time together and with God. I know Graham doesn't 'get' everything I am reading or saying, but I pray it's quietly soaking into his little heart. Here is what we read: Jesus Storybook Bible  by Sally Lloyd-Jones (love!!), God and Me  by Penny Boshoff, Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing  by Sally Lloyd-Jones, and First Catechism  by Great Commission Publications. Graham is also memorizing Psalm 100 (still on the 1st verse), and I use the ESV version Bible. Our whole Bible time usually takes less than 15 minutes, which is about as long as G will sit. I foun...

Last week I had some hard mommy days. Lots of whining, disobedience, patience wearing thin, loneliness, anxiety. You name it. The kids picked up on it and reciprocated. I started a post about expectations in motherhood. About how easy it is to struggle with contentment and how tired I am and how I miss flying somewhere on an airplane. About how I actually thought that when I became a stay at home mom, I'd bake fresh pies and keep the house perfect. About how I never imagined that 5 years in and we'd still be biting our fingernails to pay our bills. Silly Megan; naive at least. I thought a lot about how I always wanted a big family, but with just 2 kids, I sometimes feel like I'm drowning and can't fathom the idea of having more, at least not for a long time. I thought a lot about how much I am adoring the book, Desperate  and how I feel like someone wrote it just for me. Really, how did the authors know???  I'm not actually the only one feeling this way? I'm not...

Please meet sweet, beautiful Kurite: Kurite is a 2nd grade orphan in Ethiopia that Behn and I are now sponsoring through Project Hopeful Awassa . We are her Family in the Gap. As orphan care is very important to Behn and I, we felt as though this was a tangible way to serve God. It was something we've thought about for a while, but we can actually go ahead and do now, as the Lord has provided a new job for Behn. Just look at her, the beauty and grief in her eyes. When Behn and I discussed orphan sponsorship, we thought we'd look at lots of profiles in many countries and make a decision that way. But I kept seeing that my friend Charisa , who is the coordinator of the FIG program for Project Hopeful Awassa, was posting kids who needed sponsors up on her Facebook page. When I saw Kurite's face, I just knew. I knew I wanted to choose her. Behn agreed and so here we are! We hope to not only help financially, but of course be praying for her daily and writing her l...

My brother Isaac once told me that the first night he arrived that Basic Military Training, he lay on his hard, flat cot and whimpered, 'What did I get myself into??' I know that my sister Olivia and brother Tim had similar feelings that first week of BMT. Lately I've seen pictures on facebook of (usually childless) young married couples doing fun things, going cool places, hiking big mountains. And I, coated in a layer of spit up, bleary-eyed, and with a whining toddler clinging to me wonder, 'What did I get myself into??' I'm admitting it. I miss traveling. And looking somewhat put together. I miss riding horses and running on the trail instead of running around the neighborhood in the dark on 5 hours of sleep. I miss our little newlywed 1-bedroom apartment and the simplicity of that era. I miss using the bathroom in privacy. Motherhood is not to be taken for granted. I have friends who would so love to have little ones. I really love my boys and know th...

This post isn't too exciting, but it's sentimental to Behn and I, so I wanted to write this all down so I always remember. Today Patrick was baptized. My dad did the honors, as he did with Graham. Patrick's baptism has made me dwell on how he got his name, which is actually tied to Graham's baptism. Graham was baptized in March 2011. Of course, March is when many people celebrate St. Patrick's day, and Behn and I enjoy being a little Irish in March. A few nights before Graham was baptized, I had an extremely vivid and evil dream, which doesn't usually happen to me. It was the sort of dream where I felt an evil and dark presence, and even worse, during this dream I woke up to my babe crying out. He wasn't hungry or anything...and I absolutely knew we were under spiritual attack. I'm sure nothing makes us more vulnerable than raising children to love the Lord and belong to Him. Satan wants none of that! And so, I called upon the name of the Lord...

Yes, it's been pretty mediocre around here. And hot. Poor Graham Boy gets sooooo bored at home because I don't want to go outside- at least not for very long- and he is sick of his toys and books. I need to get more creative. Like, one day I let him play with a bowl of water and toss some flour into it. A mess-maker? Yep, but he loved it. And many days now, we are home. Because: a.) the car is broken (again), so often we're 'stuck' and b.) I don't want to go out sometimes. Weird, I know! I usually love going out, I get stir-crazy being home. But lately, going out means effort. And staying home means nesting. This house is seriously starting to look decent and organized. I had some friends over last night to celebrate my friend Jenny's birthday. I forget how fun it is to host! I really do love it. We did appetizers; dips actually. So not only was it easy and delicious, when I got up today my house was orderly from my cleaning-because-company-is-coming-over ...