Lent and Contentment and Dreaming

I've never really paid much attention to Lent before, a pity for a girl who grew up in the church. But this year, with the brutal and very real persecution of "the people of the Cross (my brothers and sisters)," I am fasting from Facebook. It seems trite. But in the tiring, lonely moments of the day, I go to social media for community. And then not only do I waste time, I feel racked in anxiety as I read about the darkness in the world, the vaccine debates, the articles posted about what poisons are in our food/water/air, terrible diagnoses and accidents. I need a break, maybe permanently.

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Colossians 3:1-4

I need, instead, to fly to my Lord in the moments of lonely. In the moments of anxiety. In the moments of fear. I'm spending Lent praying every day for the Church, for those suffering for Him. I'm going to pray for opportunities to repent, do good, to serve, and be patient with my children. I want to live with more intention.

The past few weeks an inexplicable tiny bit of contentedness has reached my heart. I always struggle with contentedness. I'm a dreamer. I want more. I have all kinds of ideas about the way my life should be but really struggle to accomplish things the way I want to...which leads to complaining. I do not want to be a complainer. But I do complain and sigh, and then feel I guilty. The problem is, I don't feel guilty for the sin in my complaining, I feel guilty that I'm complaining about anything in my beautiful, easy life while Christians are beheaded, while children die of preventable diseases, while women are trafficked into sex slavery.

The thing is, I want to stop complaining because complaining isn't God-honoring, not because I'm comparing myself to others who are suffering. I want to set my heart of things above, and give thanks for today.

I'm not going to stop dreaming. I like to let my mind wander. What would it be like for our family to live abroad for a year? Can I imagine the little farm in the mountains that I've always wanted? What will our family look like in 5 years- will we have another baby or children that do not look like us? God gave me a dreaming heart and that can be used for His glory.

So these weeks as we ponder on the crucifixion and the resurrection, I'll be praying. Guarding my heart. Giving thanks. And a little dreaming over an extra cuppa coffee :)