28 Days of Working Out (and Thoughts on Self-Improvement and Spiritual Warfare)
*Warning- wordy post with lots of spiritual talk*
I have a new goal this month- to work out every day. It's a short month anyway, and I'm going to give myself 4 free passes to skip if I really can't get that workout in. I haven't worked out consistently since November, so the treadmill's a bit dusty!
Saturday was the 1st day of the month and I honestly don't know if I really 'worked out.' The morning started with a lot of whining from the kids. By the time I got myself together, I had to go to work. Then we ran errands as a family. The day was pretty, so later we went on a family hike, which is basically the 4 of us trudging through the mud in the woods, but we did run around some and Behn and I took turns carrying Patrick. By the time we got home and dinner on the table, I was too exhausted to get on the treadmill. I guess that the hike counts? At least we were all active! Spending time with my husband and kids walking in the woods is more valuable than burning 250 calories on the treadmill.
Anyway, I ran outside yesterday and on the treadmill this morning. My jam is "Country Strong" on Pandora. I thought that movie was so-so, what with all the extra marital affairs and drug overdoses. But the soundtrack was fantastic, except for an unfortunate bubble-gum number about being a "Summer Girl" that made me want to gag. Much too Taylor Swift-esque for me. The Pandora station has lots of good stuff on it, and reminds me of Megan circa 2005. Excuse me as I go rekindle my relationship with Garth Brooks.
I've been working on a lot of 'self-improvement' lately. Waking up earlier, working out more, less social media. I guess I'm trying to live life a little better, be a bit more real. It's hard. All I really want to do is curl up on the couch, Facebook stalk, and drink coffee all day. I've noticed so many roadblocks since deciding to wake up early to read my Bible and pray. All of the sudden my kids, who normally sleep through the night beautifully, are waking up at random times. So, then I'm tired from being up with them and sleep through my alarm. This is not a coincidence- there's some thing else going on here. I decided to make myself get up anyway, that I can push through it and make this early morning time count. I set my alarm again last night, but Graham woke up at 5:30. Even I can't be up before that. This is not a coincidence- there's something else going on here. The "something" I'm referring to is spiritual warfare. As a Presbyterian, I don't talk much about spiritual warfare (why??), but it's there and it's real and I know it. Someone doesn't want me to get up early, pray, and start my day fresh. That "one" would rather me be tired, grumpy, and neglectful of my spiritual life. But, the battle is already won.
I'm seeing this spiritual attack in another way. Behn and I have been talking more seriously about what it would be like to parent a vulnerable child(ren) who may have a hard background. We know that it would be hard- to walk with a child through grief and loss and healing. We talk about these things, and then the next few days, I have the worst time with my kids. I start doubting: "we can't take on anything right now...our hands are full...how could I care for any other children when I fail so often with these two?" This is not a coincidence- there's something else going on here. Something that causes doubt and fear. The thing is- this is important- it's not what I can or can't do. It's what Christ has done on the cross and through resurrection and what the Spirit can do through me, through us. And so, for any goals or ambitions I make, I need to rely on Him. Whether it be getting up early, yelling less, or parenting more children one day- I can't do it, but He can. What a freeing realization.
One of my favorite hymns is "More Love to Thee" by Elizabeth Prentiss. The words have been especially lovely lately:
"More love to Thee, O Christ, more love to Thee!
Hear thou the prayer I make on bended knee.
This is my earnest plea: more love, O Christ, to Thee;
more love to O Christ, to Thee!
Once earthly joy I craved, sought peace and rest;
now Thee alone I seek, give what is best.
This all my prayer shall be: more love, O Christ, to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee."
Both of my guys are up from nap now (naptime is incredibly short these days), so time to get going.
I have a new goal this month- to work out every day. It's a short month anyway, and I'm going to give myself 4 free passes to skip if I really can't get that workout in. I haven't worked out consistently since November, so the treadmill's a bit dusty!
Saturday was the 1st day of the month and I honestly don't know if I really 'worked out.' The morning started with a lot of whining from the kids. By the time I got myself together, I had to go to work. Then we ran errands as a family. The day was pretty, so later we went on a family hike, which is basically the 4 of us trudging through the mud in the woods, but we did run around some and Behn and I took turns carrying Patrick. By the time we got home and dinner on the table, I was too exhausted to get on the treadmill. I guess that the hike counts? At least we were all active! Spending time with my husband and kids walking in the woods is more valuable than burning 250 calories on the treadmill.
Anyway, I ran outside yesterday and on the treadmill this morning. My jam is "Country Strong" on Pandora. I thought that movie was so-so, what with all the extra marital affairs and drug overdoses. But the soundtrack was fantastic, except for an unfortunate bubble-gum number about being a "Summer Girl" that made me want to gag. Much too Taylor Swift-esque for me. The Pandora station has lots of good stuff on it, and reminds me of Megan circa 2005. Excuse me as I go rekindle my relationship with Garth Brooks.
I've been working on a lot of 'self-improvement' lately. Waking up earlier, working out more, less social media. I guess I'm trying to live life a little better, be a bit more real. It's hard. All I really want to do is curl up on the couch, Facebook stalk, and drink coffee all day. I've noticed so many roadblocks since deciding to wake up early to read my Bible and pray. All of the sudden my kids, who normally sleep through the night beautifully, are waking up at random times. So, then I'm tired from being up with them and sleep through my alarm. This is not a coincidence- there's some thing else going on here. I decided to make myself get up anyway, that I can push through it and make this early morning time count. I set my alarm again last night, but Graham woke up at 5:30. Even I can't be up before that. This is not a coincidence- there's something else going on here. The "something" I'm referring to is spiritual warfare. As a Presbyterian, I don't talk much about spiritual warfare (why??), but it's there and it's real and I know it. Someone doesn't want me to get up early, pray, and start my day fresh. That "one" would rather me be tired, grumpy, and neglectful of my spiritual life. But, the battle is already won.
I'm seeing this spiritual attack in another way. Behn and I have been talking more seriously about what it would be like to parent a vulnerable child(ren) who may have a hard background. We know that it would be hard- to walk with a child through grief and loss and healing. We talk about these things, and then the next few days, I have the worst time with my kids. I start doubting: "we can't take on anything right now...our hands are full...how could I care for any other children when I fail so often with these two?" This is not a coincidence- there's something else going on here. Something that causes doubt and fear. The thing is- this is important- it's not what I can or can't do. It's what Christ has done on the cross and through resurrection and what the Spirit can do through me, through us. And so, for any goals or ambitions I make, I need to rely on Him. Whether it be getting up early, yelling less, or parenting more children one day- I can't do it, but He can. What a freeing realization.
One of my favorite hymns is "More Love to Thee" by Elizabeth Prentiss. The words have been especially lovely lately:
"More love to Thee, O Christ, more love to Thee!
Hear thou the prayer I make on bended knee.
This is my earnest plea: more love, O Christ, to Thee;
more love to O Christ, to Thee!
Once earthly joy I craved, sought peace and rest;
now Thee alone I seek, give what is best.
This all my prayer shall be: more love, O Christ, to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee."
Both of my guys are up from nap now (naptime is incredibly short these days), so time to get going.
Keep working through it, mama! And keep fighting for what you know is right.
ReplyDeleteMiss your posts on Facebook but I totally get it! I've been doing some of the same things latly, working out, sending time with God, being present for the kids, Joel. It's hard to stay focused and on track. Keep fighting the good fight! You're doing a great job with your kids and are strong. Whatever God has planned for you and Behn with kids/adoption.. you will rise to the challenge with love and grace. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sara! I'll be back on FB one of these days (I miss it more than I want to admit).
Delete