Burned. Out.
Last week flew by. We stayed busy, played outside. I don't know why, it was just a good week.
This week has crawled by and left me feeling completely depleted. Nothing was different about this week; just a normal week with the normal activities. But it took me down. I'm burned out from the kids and all the kid-things. Oh my gosh, I am tired of coming up with meals and breaking up the boys' fights and trying to figure out how to discipline and picking up the same toys. I'm burned out from biting my nails until Friday's paycheck (which is today! Yay!). I'm tired of driving around southern Maryland and its weird geography, which makes it hard to get places. I'm tired of running on the treadmill and not losing 5 pounds (because, cookies).
I am both bored and too tired. I'm bored enough to day dream about taking a vacation with my husband. Yesterday I frantically texted Behn, "What if we just saved alllll year and didn't spend any money and we went to Scotland next spring? Can we??" We both know that's not going to happen, but it's fun to pretend for a minute. But I'm so worn down that my dream vacation right now is just a dark, perfectly quiet hotel room. That's all I want; to lay in the dark undisturbed indefinitely, then wake up and eat an omelet. Then back to sleep.
There have, of course, been many moments of grace. A friend sending a sweet package to make me smile; the boys helping me plant the first garden seeds; Graham positively loving his first week of t-ball practice. And in general, health and safety. So much good.
I wish when I felt myself being carved-out tired, I turned the Jesus. Sometimes I do, but this week I forgot. I got busy in my own exhaustion and misery and forgot to pray; to give thanks; to make sure I'm reading my Bible. Instead, I was short-tempered with the kids, full of complaint, and dragging my feet. But yesterday I realized that I was allowing myself to be alone, when He is always here. And so I prayed and put on some Christian music and soaked in some verses. It's still been a hard couple days, but I know that God is faithful and tomorrow night we have friends to hang out with and since today was payday, we are getting cheesesteaks tonight.
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This week has crawled by and left me feeling completely depleted. Nothing was different about this week; just a normal week with the normal activities. But it took me down. I'm burned out from the kids and all the kid-things. Oh my gosh, I am tired of coming up with meals and breaking up the boys' fights and trying to figure out how to discipline and picking up the same toys. I'm burned out from biting my nails until Friday's paycheck (which is today! Yay!). I'm tired of driving around southern Maryland and its weird geography, which makes it hard to get places. I'm tired of running on the treadmill and not losing 5 pounds (because, cookies).
I am both bored and too tired. I'm bored enough to day dream about taking a vacation with my husband. Yesterday I frantically texted Behn, "What if we just saved alllll year and didn't spend any money and we went to Scotland next spring? Can we??" We both know that's not going to happen, but it's fun to pretend for a minute. But I'm so worn down that my dream vacation right now is just a dark, perfectly quiet hotel room. That's all I want; to lay in the dark undisturbed indefinitely, then wake up and eat an omelet. Then back to sleep.
There have, of course, been many moments of grace. A friend sending a sweet package to make me smile; the boys helping me plant the first garden seeds; Graham positively loving his first week of t-ball practice. And in general, health and safety. So much good.
I wish when I felt myself being carved-out tired, I turned the Jesus. Sometimes I do, but this week I forgot. I got busy in my own exhaustion and misery and forgot to pray; to give thanks; to make sure I'm reading my Bible. Instead, I was short-tempered with the kids, full of complaint, and dragging my feet. But yesterday I realized that I was allowing myself to be alone, when He is always here. And so I prayed and put on some Christian music and soaked in some verses. It's still been a hard couple days, but I know that God is faithful and tomorrow night we have friends to hang out with and since today was payday, we are getting cheesesteaks tonight.
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