Won't Always Be Like This
My brother Isaac once told me that the first night he arrived that Basic Military Training, he lay on his hard, flat cot and whimpered, 'What did I get myself into??' I know that my sister Olivia and brother Tim had similar feelings that first week of BMT.
Lately I've seen pictures on facebook of (usually childless) young married couples doing fun things, going cool places, hiking big mountains. And I, coated in a layer of spit up, bleary-eyed, and with a whining toddler clinging to me wonder, 'What did I get myself into??'
I'm admitting it. I miss traveling. And looking somewhat put together. I miss riding horses and running on the trail instead of running around the neighborhood in the dark on 5 hours of sleep. I miss our little newlywed 1-bedroom apartment and the simplicity of that era. I miss using the bathroom in privacy.
Motherhood is not to be taken for granted. I have friends who would so love to have little ones. I really love my boys and know they are both a gift from God. Sometimes, usually when I loving look upon my sleeping babes, I even want more kids and I do eagerly await the day we can begin our adoption. But, as is said often by those in the trenches or who have been in the trenches, parenthood is hard. And I'm livin' it, baby.
I realized something yesterday, after it took an hour to get Graham to sleep and I knew full well he'd be up during the night, because he's been up every night this week. After he'd whined all day and pushed every boundary he could. After he'd thrown 2 items squarely at my head (he has GOOD aim and a strong arm). After Patrick doused me in baby spit first thing in the morning so I smelled sour all day long. After I changed no less than 10 diapers, many of them poopy ones.
What I realized is that it won't always be like this. Even a year from now- Lord willing, Graham will be nearly 3 and Patrick will be 1 and they'll be able to play together. Graham will talk more and play independently and both of them had better be sleeping through the night by then. We're in a tough phase, a transition. I gotta keep my eye on the prize. The prize is loving them every moment and having the privilege of showing them Jesus. The prize is praying for grace and receiving much joy. The prize is seeing Graham touch Patrick's hand and say, 'hi Baby,' so gently. The prize is also my own sanctification, a unique drawing near to the Lord through these hard days. There will always be challenges in motherhood, but it won't always be like this. Sometime I will sleep through the night again.
Gosh, I hope that happens soon.
***Check back tomorrow to meet the newest child to be loved by our family!***
Lately I've seen pictures on facebook of (usually childless) young married couples doing fun things, going cool places, hiking big mountains. And I, coated in a layer of spit up, bleary-eyed, and with a whining toddler clinging to me wonder, 'What did I get myself into??'
I'm admitting it. I miss traveling. And looking somewhat put together. I miss riding horses and running on the trail instead of running around the neighborhood in the dark on 5 hours of sleep. I miss our little newlywed 1-bedroom apartment and the simplicity of that era. I miss using the bathroom in privacy.
Motherhood is not to be taken for granted. I have friends who would so love to have little ones. I really love my boys and know they are both a gift from God. Sometimes, usually when I loving look upon my sleeping babes, I even want more kids and I do eagerly await the day we can begin our adoption. But, as is said often by those in the trenches or who have been in the trenches, parenthood is hard. And I'm livin' it, baby.
I realized something yesterday, after it took an hour to get Graham to sleep and I knew full well he'd be up during the night, because he's been up every night this week. After he'd whined all day and pushed every boundary he could. After he'd thrown 2 items squarely at my head (he has GOOD aim and a strong arm). After Patrick doused me in baby spit first thing in the morning so I smelled sour all day long. After I changed no less than 10 diapers, many of them poopy ones.
What I realized is that it won't always be like this. Even a year from now- Lord willing, Graham will be nearly 3 and Patrick will be 1 and they'll be able to play together. Graham will talk more and play independently and both of them had better be sleeping through the night by then. We're in a tough phase, a transition. I gotta keep my eye on the prize. The prize is loving them every moment and having the privilege of showing them Jesus. The prize is praying for grace and receiving much joy. The prize is seeing Graham touch Patrick's hand and say, 'hi Baby,' so gently. The prize is also my own sanctification, a unique drawing near to the Lord through these hard days. There will always be challenges in motherhood, but it won't always be like this. Sometime I will sleep through the night again.
Gosh, I hope that happens soon.
***Check back tomorrow to meet the newest child to be loved by our family!***
Beautifully put Megan!
ReplyDeletecatching up on your blog! Oh, how I love this post. I knew motherhood was going to be difficult, but DANG, motherhood is H-A-R-D! Like you, I wouldn't trade the role for anything and I'm so (sooooo) glad we have the blessing of being parents now. But I certainly have my moments where I find myself wondering what in the world did I get myself into?!?!?! It's nice to know I'm not alone in these sentiments. :)
ReplyDeleteKeep looking BIG picture. I have a feeling you're doing an amazing job. :)
Thanks for the comment, Jess! Yes, motherhood is hard. I'm still a little stunned by it all. I am sure you're doing a great job too!
Delete