All Kinds of Jumbled Up

It's one of "those" posts...I'm a jumbled mess and just trying to type out all the feelings and thoughts.

I am tired. Patrick wiggled his way into our bed at some dark o'clock. He kissed me and then laid quietly.

I looked at the clock: 5 a.m. "Oh good," I thought, "he'll go back to sleep."
5:15: He's still laying awake. "He will go back to sleep."
5:25: Still awake. "5 a.m. cannot be his wake up time."
5:40: Still awake. "5 a.m. cannot be his wake up time."
5:55: Still awake. "I feel like death..."
6:10: Now he's whispering about cheerios.
6:15: Thankfully Behn got up with him.
6:16: Graham wiggles into bed with me.

And so. I am tired.

I am also 2 days away from my 3rd trimester, which is another tiring factor. Growing humans is serious business, folks. I am full on waddling now, and had quit all my part time jobs because I just can't anymore. I feel fairly depleted and yet very unready for this guy. I mean, I'm ready to hold and love him, just not ready for birth and the up-at-nights and post-partum recovery. And also we need to buy diapers and a binky.

Yesterday I did have a burst of energy and did some housecleaning. We are getting ready for a yard sale at Graham's school and I've enjoyed purging. Behn and I are trying to be pretty tough and eliminate some of the clutter. Now, if only someone buys it...

Speaking of school, Patrick will be going 2 mornings a week starting Monday. I've enjoyed having him with me at home, of course. Frankly, he's easy to have around. And we can't afford 2 kids in school. BUT one day recently the administrator, with a look of pity at my pregnant self, offered to work with us financially so Patrick can go just a few hours a week. He's almost 3.5 now, and a little routine will be fun for him. And I'll have 2 mornings a week where I know I can do..whatever! Read my Bible, take a nap (ha!), get a head start on dinner. Just, to have quiet. I need some quiet before this new one arrives.

Praying that God goes before us as we make decisions this year. About career and kids' schooling and taking care of our home and how best to raise these boys. I'm a dreamer, always planning ahead. And yet, God has been working in my heart to be quiet, too, and wait. And not worry. I've found more contentment lately, which is my biggest struggle. Grateful for this bit of peace, and praying we always look to our faithful God.

{A picture from my snowed-in birthday. Behn helped make it a sweet day, all of us together. With chocolate pie. Oh, yes, darling chocolate pie. Love my husband and boys, all 4 of them}